what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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