Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Randomize
