the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
