youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
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