umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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