All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
