Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
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Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
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At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Im part way to drunk.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
we're so committed to being not committed
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
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