Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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