Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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