long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
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But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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