Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
please don't ironically join a cult
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