She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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