Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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