she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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