a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize