He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Actions speak louder than pants.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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