i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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