Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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