There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
my shit smells like andre
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
