On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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