Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
She told me I should be a condom model.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
