She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
