I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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