i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
What a dumb baby whore.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
