I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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