it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
