I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize
