You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
