What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize
