If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
