was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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