I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
