I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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