weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
