It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Randomize
