id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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