They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
