I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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