That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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