Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
