Where did you get a picture of my penis
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
