Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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