Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
