I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
