you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
