To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I will pee on everything he values.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize
