Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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