I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
