6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
