how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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