I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
my being single is dangerous.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
