I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
it's like iHOP with fire
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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