i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
