If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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