do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
