Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
