She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
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