Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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