When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
