the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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