Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
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i drank out of a bidet.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
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we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I need to wash the frat house off of me
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.