No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
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We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
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Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.