Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
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she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
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Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist