I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
