Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
