When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
