Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize
