I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
