You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
