if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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