Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
