If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
